What Men Still Don't Understand

We got guys to reveal the intimate, embarrassing, surprising things they really want to know about how to make sex with you better, sweeter, hotter. Here, the good news you can both use.

As far as sex goes, we men have only two questions. They sum up every curiosity we've ever had, every mystery we've yearned to unravel. 1. Now? 2. Why not now? Well, those are the only official questions. Unofficially, there are a few others we'd like to ask, some that pertain to certain puzzles that have nagged at us since time commenced. Just don't expect to hear them aloud, because there's little chance that we'll ask you the sex questions that we really want answers to. You might freak out. Or dial 911. Or, worst of all, you might discover how clueless we are. So just what are men's most burning bedroom riddles? Here — according to sex therapists and an unofficial poll of dozens of men who participated in this story only under a veil of secrecy — are the questions that are likely simmering in your guy's head right now. Plus, you'll find some tips on how you can help him learn the answers in the least humiliating way possible.1. "She loves foreplay. My repertoire is a little limited and, honestly, foreplay's not my favorite part of sex. Any new tricks I can surprise her with?" If men tend to rush through foreplay, it's because we — to put it mildly — don't see it the same way you do. We're ready for sex the moment we have an erection. Delaying intercourse when we have an erection and a willing woman nearby? That's idiotic, according to our biological wiring. Look, we may have only so many potent hours in our lifetime. Asking us to waste even a precious few minutes on foreplay doesn't jibe with our evolutionary programming. To us, foreplay has only one purpose: to get you craving penetration as quickly as possible, by warming you up and helping you lubricate. To make that happen, we may touch you the way we like to be touched sexually — i.e., we make a rush for the genitals. "Women usually enjoy the lightest, feathery, teasing touch in areas that men don't necessarily think of as erotic, such as the face, hair, neck, and the sides of her body," says sex therapist Aline P. Zoldbrod, Ph.D., author of Sex Talk: Uncensored Exercises for Exploring What Really Turns You On. "Because men often don't like to be touched like this, they don't think to touch their partners like this."If you really want your guy to love foreplay and get creative with it, stop calling it "foreplay" and start calling it "building anticipation." "Men want to be playful," says Scott Haltzman, M.D., a clinical assistant professor at Brown University in Providence and author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. As long as we know that sex is coming eventually, making a game out of getting there can create a mind-blowing urgency — one that will soon make sex without foreplay seem dull by comparison. Two ideas to build on:Set a timer, and tell him he's not allowed to take off his pants for 15 minutes. "It'll force him to become more creative," says Haltzman, "and it has all the buildup."Use sex candies. Or whipped cream. Bait the areas of your body where you want more attention — all the places he misses when going in for the kill. React passionately, and you'll soon make him a foreplay connoisseur — without uttering one (intelligible) word.2. "She can only climax when I give her oral sex. Is this normal?" It's not that guys feel inadequate, mind you. It's just that we like to see all of the effort and grit of intercourse culminate into something more than, well, you lovingly waiting to get yours. Our intentions are noble; it's our understanding of anatomy and female arousal that's lacking. "Men often think that intercourse triggers orgasm for women," says Sallie Foley, a marital and sexual therapist at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor and author of Sex Matters for Women. "Actually, most women need direct stimulation of their clitoris in order to have an orgasm." Few guys know that almost half of women don't come during intercourse, so if you don't, we may think we're doing something wrong. The cure for this is a little knowledge. "When couples find out this is completely normal, it takes all the pressure off," says Foley. Experiment with positions that may give your clitoris more sensation, and use a vibrator or your fingers (or have him caress you) during sex. 3. "When I'm tired or just don't have my A-game working, I don't know if she wants me to keep going till she comes, or give up. Should I keep soldiering on or can I tell her I want to stop?" If you can't imagine why he couldn't just say, "I've had it — can we pick this up again tomorrow?" you've clearly never been a man. Quitting mid-game just because you're losing is a real weanie move. So when you sense that he's been pistoning on sheer willpower, cut him a face-saving break. Change the rhythm. Kiss your guy and say, "Let's stop just a minute — I want to put on some music," suggests Haltzman. Looking through CDs will break his "must please her" trance and mercifully let him collapse on the mattress. When you climb back into bed, stroke his chest or his back. He'll already be asleep. 4. "Our lovemaking's become routine. How can I get her to consider something new without having her freak out?"He's smart to be wondering about this, and it should be on your mind, too. "Routines are dangerous to sexual relationships because they can mean you've stopped paying attention," says Russell J. Stambaugh, Ph.D., a sex therapist in Ann Arbor, MI. "Arousal and desire are all about attention."We have countless common sexual fantasies, but those that involve you — our steady partner, and a woman who knows where we live — comprise a much shorter list. "The number one thing that guys want to try is anal sex," says Haltzman. If you're flatly not into it, tell him you'd like to have more sex in the doggie-style position, Haltzman suggests. A simulation is better than a total rejection. Among the other wishes men cite repeatedly: more oral sex, bondage or S&M play, having you dress provocatively for us and do a striptease, and threesomes. Some couples might discuss these ditties as casually as they would a grocery list. You and your guy aren't among them? Then be compassionate if he suggests something that you're not down with.
Chiefly, restrain from laughing and saying, "When hell freezes!" "He's putting himself on the line by asking this and probably feels pretty anxious," says Haltzman. You want to convey that you take his sick, perverse needs seriously. The winning response: "Let's think of something that can be just as exciting that I'm into, too." And remember, we might crave the kinky stuff, but almost anything new — a different perfume, a tight-fitting tee — can add a jolt when we're in a rut. We're pretty easy to please.5. "What is the most expert way to hit her alleged G-spot?"The G-spot has been the best and worst thing ever to happen to men. It's incredibly empowering to think there's a magic button we can push to make you blow through the gates of ecstasy. And it's infuriating and humiliating when we can't find this damned button or make it work.A secret: As long as you come, we're happy. It's when you can't come — or when we decide that we must do some experimenting, perhaps with your encouragement — that we begin looking for that mystical button-size zone on your upper vaginal wall. Every literate man in America over 25 has read the directions on G-spot stimulation at least 30 times: When you're fully aroused, he'll put his finger inside you, press up toward your navel, and lightly stroke you back and forth in a "come hither" fashion. And then you'll explode like an H-bomb.Right?Not necessarily. Just as many women won't orgasm from intercourse alone, many women don't respond to G-spot stimulation, says Zoldbrod. If it does nothing for you, show us what does put you over the top. Rest assured, we'll happily do whatever works.6. "She doesn't want me to go down on her if she hasn't showered immediately beforehand, even though I tell her that it's not necessary. Why is she so self-conscious?"Guys are not bashful about receiving oral sex, so when a woman is reluctant to receive it, we can't relate. We did learn during our dating days, however, that women fall into three camps regarding cunnilingus: They either love it, accept it but wish we'd stop, or close the gates of Oz and say, "No way, no how." Occasionally even a fervent female fan will decline. "I didn't know I'd be exposed tonight," one lover shyly said to me, perhaps because it had been 72 hours since she waxed. To date, I have never said that while holding up my boxers.If you see your guy's head traveling downward, consider any fears about your odors or tastes to be unfounded. Interestingly, your scents likely seem stronger and more unpleasant to you than they do to him, because you have a keener sense of smell (perhaps to prevent you from eating something poisonous while pregnant, scientists speculate). How much keener? A study of 50 subjects conducted by researchers at the State University of New York at Albany found that 19 out of 32 women could identify the scent of their own underarm odors (on gauze pads worn overnight, if you must know), while only one of 18 men could identify their own odor. And women rated their own scents and those of other females as more unpleasant than males did. So we detect aromas differently, which was probably apparent to you the first time you set foot in our apartment. So let him be spontaneous, won't you? If no amount of logic will make you comfortable, then shower together first, says Zoldbrod. All you need to say: "Honey, I know you love how I taste, but this will let me have a great orgasm with no distractions."
7. "I love it when she initiates sex. How can I get her to do it more often?" Men have wanted this since the Neolithic period. But unfortunately, even after all these years, we still don't always recognize it when it's happening. "His idea of her initiating sex might mean her prancing into the room in a negligee, and her idea may be giving him an extra-long kiss when he comes home," says Stambaugh. If he doesn't take the bait, even because he's had a stressful day at work, you may feel rejected and decide that you'll leave the initiating to him.This miscommunication illustrates a common problem. Women expect men to intuit things from obvious hints — such as "those earrings would look great with my new dress" — and then become frustrated when guys miss the message. "With men, you need to be explicit," says Haltzman. Look him in the eye (or send him a text message) and say, "Would you like to make love tonight?" Or be more playful and say, "How about a roll in the hay, soldier?" Either will thrill him. If you want to devise a subtler sign (such as, say, asking him to shave before bed), tell him what the code means the first time — and don't flip out when he forgets it the fifth time. 8. "I think I know when she's had an orgasm, but there's always the chance that she's faking. How can I tell that she had a real one?" To us, making you orgasm is like seeing the golf ball fall into the cup. Until that happens, it ain't over. We just keep on stroking and hope things don't get too embarrassing. And hope we have the energy to do it 17 more times. The catch: The damned ball is invisible, and only you know if we nailed the cup. The gravest, most unsporting insult you can give a man is to let him win out of pity, and the fear that you're doing just that — by faking your orgasm — may creep into his brain if he's the paranoid sort. Or if you've given him reason to suspect you of faking in the past.Men's magazines will tell us to look for orgasm clues like flushing and vaginal contractions, which strengthens the troubling notion that we need to be detectives. (And it becomes even more disheartening when we learn those can be faked, too.) You can kill all of this anxiety by uttering three words: "I didn't come."Say this, and then show us what to do to make it happen. Then we'll know and trust that you'll speak up when you don't get yours. We'll know you play fair. And we won't worry about it again.Finally, educate us by saying another short sentence, if it's true in your case. Tell your guy, "I don't always need to come to have great sex with you.""Highly sexually satisfied couples can take turns pleasing each other," says Stambaugh. You both don't always have to reach the peak to make the trip worthwhile, and couples learn that in time. A great script to use, says Haltzman: "It's an incredibly powerful feeling for me to see you having fun in bed, and you trying to give me an orgasm is just going to get in the way of it."Even if that's a lie, it's so sexy, we won't care.9. "How can I make my erection last longer for her?""Guys often joke that when they're in their early 20s, their erections are so firm that they could hang a towel on them," says Foley. (This frightens guests who enter the bathroom, however.) Of course, as a guy ages, what once held up a wet bath towel at 70 degrees may now only support a washcloth parallel to the ground.We don't greet this change happily."Men often buy into the male myth about how they should be performing," says Zoldbrod. If your guy is distracted during sex by thinking about his erection, he'll probably lose it. Learning that it's normal for his erection to wax and wane while he's making love can help a great deal. Sure, in his 20s, his erection stayed hard even when he wasn't being fondled. But now, if he's getting no touch, there's a natural "relaxation" until he becomes aroused again. Men need to know that they can ask for stimulation to stay hard, Zoldbrod says. (For your part, remember to include his inner thigh and perineum — the sensitive region under his testicles — as well as the penis.) And if he's unable to have an erection at all, consult a doctor. Many curable or treatable conditions could be to blame. If he's overweight or has high blood pressure or diabetes, you may have found your culprit.
10. "Sex once a week is plenty for her, but not for me. Can I do anything about it besides hinting and pleading?" We know that a dip in sex drive after marriage is normal in women. We heard the jokes at bachelor parties, and married life has confirmed the rumor. So has science; a British survey of more than 11,000 men and women ages 18 to 64 found that women had a decline in sexual desire after about three years of marriage, and in their 30s and 40s, many had sex drives that were lower than the men their ages had. Women with small children were more likely to report problems. What's behind the dip? Researchers attribute it to women's decreasing testosterone levels; men have 10 times as much of the sex hormone as women do, so to expect that we'd all have the same level of desire is ludicrous. Life pressures weigh women down, too. "Women in their mid- to late 30s tend to have way too much on their plates," says Zoldbrod. Mix a demanding job with kids, and sleep becomes more indulgent than sex.We get that. And many of us have no problem with it."My research has found that about 75 percent of men had stronger sex drives than their wives, but a significant percentage — more than a third — were comfortable with that," says Haltzman. Those who were okay with it tended to be older (starting in their late 30s), and to feel satisfied in their marriages overall, he explains. "Studies show that in a good marriage, sex only accounts for about 20 percent of what people say makes it good," Haltzman adds. So if the marriage is great, and you want sex once a week while we'd prefer it thrice, we probably don't care — as long as we're getting enough between-the-sheets time to feel like we have a loving partner.If your guy isn't happy with the boot-knocking frequency — a hint would be that you've turned down his last three overtures — bring this up and negotiate. "Men's sex drive is more than just a biological need, it's a drive to connect emotionally," explains Haltzman. And you, our beloved partner, are the one holding the key.

8 Things No One Tells You About Marriage

"...And they lived happily ever after." You're smart. You know life is no storybook. But admit it: Somewhere deep in your subconscious lurk romantic visions of Cinderella, or maybe Julia Roberts. The images may be sketchy and a little outdated, but you can still make out the silhouette of the bride and Prince Charming riding off into the sunset.

In real life, sometimes your Disney fairy tale ends up feeling more like a Wes Craven horror flick — and you're the chick who keeps falling down and screaming for her life. I've been there.
Let's face it, marriage is not for the faint of heart. You want to believe your pure love for each other will pull you through. And it does. But it ain't always pretty.
That may sound grim. But here's a secret: Sometimes it's the least romantic parts of marriage that have the most to teach you about yourself, your partner, and the nature of love. Read on for some simple truths that will unlock the surprising treasures and pleasures in your imperfect, unstorybook, real-life love.
1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?
When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy — your soul mate — you'll be happy together until death do you part. Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn't make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, This is so not what I signed up for.
Actually, it is. You just didn't realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other's faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that "for better and for worse" doesn't kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills.
That's when the disappointment sneaks in, and maybe even a palpable sense of loneliness and grief. It's not him. It's just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You're learning that marriage isn't a destination; it's a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium.
Waking up from a good dream to face the harsh morning daylight may not seem like a reason to celebrate. But trust me, it is. Because once you let go of all the hokey stories of eternal bliss, you find that the reality of marriage is far richer and more rewarding than you ever could have guessed. Hard, yes. Frustrating, yes. But full of its own powerful, quiet enchantments just the same, and that's better than any fairy tale.
2. You'll work harder than you ever imagined.
Early on, when people say, "Marriage takes work," you assume "work" means being patient when he forgets to put down the toilet seat. In your naiveté, you think that you will struggle to accommodate some annoying habit, like persistent knuckle cracking or flatulence.
If only it were that easy. Human beings, you may have noticed, are not simple creatures. Your man has mysterious, unplumbed depths — and from where he sits, you're pretty complicated, too. You have to learn each other the same way that you once learned earth science or world geography. And getting married doesn't mean you're done — it just means you've advanced to graduate-level studies. That's because every time you think you've mastered the material, he'll change a bit. And so will you. As two people grow and evolve, the real work of marriage is finding a way to relate to and nurture each other in the process.
"It's like losing weight," says Andrea Harden, 45, of Buffalo, NY. "You want it to be a one-time deal. You lost it, now just live. But then you learn it's a lifestyle. That's marriage. The effort is a forever thing." So don't be too hard on yourself — or him — on those days when you feel like you're struggling through remedial math.
3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder).
Whoever decided to tell newlyweds "Never go to bed angry" doesn't know what it's like inside a bedroom where tears and accusations fly as one spouse talks the other into a woozy stupor until night meets the dawn. If this scenario sounds familiar, I've got three words for you: Sleep on it.
You need to calm down. You need to gain perspective. You need to just give it a rest. I've found that an argument of any quality, like a fine wine, needs to breathe. A break in the action will help you figure out whether you're angry, hurt, or both, and then pinpoint the exact source. Maybe the fight that seemed to erupt over the overflowing garbage can is really about feeling underappreciated. Could be you're both stressed out at work and just needed to unload on someone. Taking a break will help you see that, and let go. Or maybe you really do have a legitimate disagreement to work out. Without a time-out, sometimes a perfectly good argument can turn into an endless round of silly back-and-forth, rehashing old and irrelevant transgressions as you get more and more wound up.
Even when you do manage to stay focused and on topic, there are some fights that stubbornly refuse to die by bedtime. And if you stifle your real feelings just to meet some arbitrary deadline, your marriage will surely be the worse for it. "This was a huge lesson for me," says Andrea. "As women we've been trained to make nice. But the whole kiss-and-make-up thing just to keep the peace was eating me up inside. I'd let things build up inside me until I just exploded. Now I wait a while to get hold of myself — let the emotions settle a bit — and state my position. Even if that means reopening the fight the next day."
4. You will go without sex — sometimes for a long time — and that's okay.
There are few men in the Western world sexier than my husband. And I don't say this because I know he may read this article. I've seen women checking him out when they think I'm not looking. (Honestly, ladies, you don't have to sneak a peek. I don't mind if you stare.) That said, there are times that I just don't feel like having sex — often for reasons that have nothing to do with Genoveso. (See? Even his name is sexy.) I can't lie and say this is always okay with him. But the fact is, there are also plenty of nights when he's not in the mood. So maybe a few days go by when we don't do it. And then a few more. And....
Sexless periods are a natural part of married life. A dry spell isn't a sign that you've lost your mojo or that you'll never have sex again. It just means that maybe this week, sleep is more important than sex. (I don't know about you, but between work, 3 a.m. feedings, the PTA, soccer, T-ball, and everything else, I sometimes crave sleep the way a pimply, hormonal adolescent longs to cop a feel.)
And don't kid yourself; no one in America is doing it as often as popular culture would have you believe. Instead of worrying about how much you think you "should" be having sex, keep the focus on figuring out your own rhythm. "I used to think, What's happened to us? We always used to be in the mood," says 35-year-old Kim Henderson of Oakland, CA, who's been married for five years. "Now I know better. Life happens. My husband just started a new job. He has a long commute, and we have two small children. I think we're good."
The key is to make sure that even if you're not doing "it," you're still doing something-touching, kissing, hugging. Personally, my heart gets warm and mushy when my husband rubs my feet after a long, tiring day. He may not be anywhere near my G-spot, but that little bit of touch and attention keeps us connected even when we're not having spine-tingling sex.
5. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.
I can be a bit of a know-it-all. There, I said it. It's really not my intention to be hurtful or brash with people I love. It's just that a lifetime of experience has taught me that in most areas, at most times, I am right about most things. What shocked me several years into my marriage, though, was the realization that the more "right" I was, the more discontented my husband and I were as a couple. See, oddly enough, throughout his life Genoveso has been under the misguided impression that he's right most of the time (go figure!). So we'd lock horns — often. That is, until I learned a few things.
Namely, that when it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong — there is simply your way of looking at things and your husband's. "I used to be very black-and-white earlier in our marriage," says Lindy Vincent, 38, who lives in Minneapolis. "Now I see that I'm not all right and my husband is not all wrong. There's more gray in life than I thought, and that's taught me patience and the value of compromise."
The more I get to know and appreciate my husband for who he is, the more I respect his positions. That doesn't mean I always agree with him. But I can see the value in striking a balance that satisfies us both. And instead of harping on how wrong he is, I can usually swallow the verbal vitriol and simply say something like, "I see your point" or "I hadn't considered that." After I sincerely acknowledge his view, it seems to become easier for him to hear mine. And because I know I'm being heard, most of the time now, I don't even want to prove how right I am anymore. Funny how that works, isn't it?
6. A great marriage doesn't mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right.
Maybe you think that because of my newfound wisdom, Genoveso and I never fight anymore. Ha! As important as it is to strike a balance, it's also important to have a big, fat fight every now and then. Because when you fight, you don't just raise your voices; you raise real — sometimes buried — issues that challenge you to come to a clearer understanding of you, your man, and your relationship. I wouldn't give up our fights for anything in the world, because I know in the end they won't break us; they'll only make us stronger.
7. You'll realize that you can only change yourself.
Ever seen the '80s sci-fi cult classic Making Mr. Right? When the stylish heroine, played by Ann Magnuson, is hired to teach a robot how to act like a human, she seizes the chance to create a perfect guy. A hotshot commercial whiz, she uses her marketing prowess to shape John Malkovich's android character into her personal version of the ideal man — sensitive, eager to please, and willing to listen.
There is a bit of that makeover fantasy in all of us — something that makes us believe we can change the person we love, make him just a little bit closer to perfect. We may use support and empathy or shouts and ultimatums, but with dogged conviction we take on this huge responsibility, convinced we're doing the right thing.
Whatever our motives, the effort is exhausting. Transforming a full-grown man — stripping him of decades-old habits, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies — is truly an impossible task. And you will come to realize, sooner than later if you're lucky, that it is far easier to change the way you respond to him.
Here's a perfect case in point: "I used to go off on my husband because he didn't empty the sink trap when he cleaned the kitchen," says Kimberly Seals Allers, 36, of Bay Shore, NY. "It got me nowhere; my rants only made him resentful. Now I come home and when the kitchen looks clean, I'm like, 'Cool, now all I have to do is empty the sink trap.'"
8. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you're really made of.
I've got issues. Trust issues. Control issues. And others, I'm sure, that I've yet to fully discover. I guess I've always known I wasn't perfect. But in more than a decade of marriage, I've been smacked upside the head with the cold, hard evidence.
There were clues when Genoveso and I were dating, especially with the trust thing. Early on, I was supersuspicious of him. He used to say things like, "I'll call you at 8." Then, just to try to trip me up, he'd call at 8. I knew he was up to something, I just couldn't figure out what. The same kinds of experiences followed after the wedding. Except occasionally he would actually mess up. And I had no sense of scale when it came to rating his offenses; everything was a major violation. Whether he teased me about a new haircut or came home late, I seethed for days and even let thoughts of divorce creep into my head. I figured, if he loved me — really and truly — this stuff wouldn't happen.
I'd like to be able to say that this irrational behavior lasted only a few months and I eventually worked it out. Kind of, sort of, is closer to the truth. After years of looking deeply into my soul and talking to good friends and the best sister a girl could ever have, I've come to recognize certain things about myself. Not to get all Dr. Phil about it, but I've had to examine my history with an emotionally distant dad and a strong-willed mom and face up to all the ways, both good and bad, that those relationships have affected how I approach my marriage.
I still struggle as a work in progress. But I am completely clear in the knowledge that many of the deepest frustrations in your relationship are an opportunity for you to confront yourself. That can be difficult to accept — after all, it's so much more comforting to keep a running tab of your hubby's deficits and tell yourself that his failings are the only thing standing between you and a better marriage. But if you let it, this bumpy journey toward self-awareness can be one of the more fulfilling rewards of a committed, long-term relationship — you'll learn to love your quirks and be compassionate toward yourself, just as you're learning to do with him.
That's the strange beauty of marriage: It's full of hard times and hard lessons that no one can ever prepare you for. But in the end, those are the things that give richness to your life together — and make your love even deeper and stronger than when it began.

Tips Of The Married Life

· When you're at an event with your man, shoot him a come-hither look across the room. Attempt to pick him up with only your eyes.
· Wake your guy this morning with soft kisses all over his body. What a wonderful way to wake up.
· Let him take the lead tonight. Allow him to choose your outfit, the restaurant, or the movie. Surrendering the decision-making gets you in the mood.
· In particularly stressful moments, whisper something to your man. The soft tone and warm breath on his ear will calm him down immediately.
· Go on a movie date and make sure to graze his lap as you reach for the popcorn. Give him your eye that lets him know that you know exactly what you are doing.
· When you wake up in the morning, tell him you had the most amazingly erotic dream about him. Give him full details even if you are making them up as you go.
· When you are getting ready in the morning, give him a full on flash. Hold your robe open for a few seconds and tell him to remember the image of you nude all…day…long.
· When you travel together buy postcards. Once you return, send one to your man to remind him of all the fun you had while you were traveling together.
· Find your inner dominatrix. Start by pulling his hair a little while you are in the throes of passion.
· Take turns kissing each other’s belly buttons. It tickles and feels so good.
· When you are kissing your man, take your time. Pause and look into his eyes softly, then continue. Your glance will tell him how you are feeling about him.
· Make putting on the condom part of sexy foreplay. Unroll it on him. You can use your lips to do so.
· Buy a book of Mad Libs and require only risqué answers. Read them back to each other and giggle at the story you create.
· Give your man a full body massage without using your hands.
· Fill water pistols with fruit juice or wine and squirt each other without mercy. Lick each other clean and then wash off the rest of the sticky in the shower…together.
· Do some partner stretches in the living room or in the bedroom. It is a great way to really get to know your partner’s body. You will surprise each other with your flexibility and can incorporate that into your sex life.
· Happy Thanksgiving! Make sure you tell your partner all of the reasons you are thankful for him!
· Decorate your bedroom with bundles of fall flowers. Your room will smell and feel fresh, and the colors will create a warm, relaxing glow.
· Hide under the covers when your man comes to bed and surprise him with a pillow attack. Wear a skimpy nightie to ensure plenty of flashing potential.
· Wednesday is Hump Day. Take that literally and engage is some mid-week nookie to get you to the weekend.
· Wake your husband up with a cup of coffee and the paper. Tell him he is to stay in bed for as long as his heart desires. He’ll probably pull you back in to be with him.
· After midnight, bundle up and head outside. Have sex under the moonlight. The cool night air will feel great but your warm breath and bodies will keep you toasty.
· Cool off at the ice-skating rink. Grab your jacket and a good pair of socks and warm each other up on the ice. Don’t forget to couple skate!
· When you dress for a date, lay out your clothes, down to your sexy lingerie. Make sure he sees the spread before you get dressed.
· Go on a body treasure hunt. Do you know where all of his freckles are? Make the curves and marks of his body your business.
· When you greet your man with a kiss after work tonight, be sure to grab his package. He’ll appreciate your bold gesture.
· Watch Basic Instinct with your man and steal some of Sharon Stone’s moves — not the murderous ones, just the sexy ones, like when she turns Michael Douglas into her sex slave!
· Give him opportunities to “accidentally” graze your breast while you are out in public. Give him a wicked smile to let him know you meant for it to happen.
· Head to a dive bar and flirt with your man, relentlessly. If you can muster the courage, pull him into the restroom for a quickie.
· Buy keychain flashlights and take them to bed with you. Ask him to illuminate his body parts that need your attention. You do the same for him!
· When your husband is repairing things around the house, tell him the sight of him with a hammer, vacuum, mop, whatever it may be makes you really hot.
· Treat yourself to a manicure and then use those gorgeous nails to scratch your guy’s body parts. Pay close attention to his arms and chest.
· Allow him to watch you pleasure yourself with your vibrator. Men are visual creatures. This will be quite a gift for him…and you!
· On your next road trip, go down on him while he’s driving. Make sure you are on an open road. This will catch him off guard and spice up the long drive.
· When you look deeply into your partner’s eyes, you are telling him that he is the most important person in the room. He’ll appreciate that you only care about what he’s saying.
· Masturbate your partner to the point of climax and then slow down for a few seconds for a fantastic orgasm.
· Buy and men’s undershirt tank top have it personalized to say something special to your man.Maybe- “I’m yours!” or “Just for you!” or just his name.
· Reenact how you met your mate. Go back to the spot and relive the moments you met. You’ll have so much fun thinking about those first moments. You will take yourselves back to the reasons you got together and fell in love.
· Happy Halloween. Keep the costumes on while you do the deed! Haven’t you always wanted to get busy with Spider-Man?
· Buy a couple of pumpkins and take them home and have a carving contest. Save the seeds for roasting!
· Going away with your honey? Check out this travel kit from Blissbox!
· Be silly with your man. Head to a wig shop and buy wigs for each other. Of course the next step is to wear them in bed. It will feel like you’re a making love to a new person but you aren’t cheating and you are laughing and having fun.
· Everyone has that one household chore they can’t stand doing. Trade the one thing you hate to do for the one thing he hates to do. Do you hate scrubbing the tub? He can take that on. If he hates taking out the trash then you can take that on. Relieve yourselves from the stress of dreading that chore.
· Quiz each other and giggle for hours with Naughty Crosswords: Nerve.com Presents Fifty Sexy and Outrageous Puzzles.
· Have you planned your Halloween costume yet? Be a naughty nurse, a French maid, or a cowgirl who lassos her man — have your own private rodeo!
· Reprogram your name in his phone. The next time you call, instead of your name, “Hot Babe,” “Horny Girlfriend,” or “Sexy Wife” will show up instead.
· Make your partner your number one supporter by letting him know how he can meet your needs emotionally. Communication is key!
· Some men enjoy anal stimulation. See if he is open to exploring this. Neither of you will regret adding this to your sex life.
· Some men enjoy anal stimulation. Talk with him to see if he's open to exploring this. Once you decide that he is, use a lot of lubrication and find out what he likes.
· Cover each other with massage oil and feel the incredible sensation of sliding your bodies together.
· Today is Miss American Rose Day. Celebrate by sprinkling rose petals in a trail leading to your bed. Spread handfuls of petals between the sheets too.
· Affirm his actions by reminding him, out of the blue, how special he makes you feel when he does little things for you.
· Nibble your partner during foreplay. A gentle bite brings blood to the surface of the skin and creates a fantastic sensation. But be gentle; don’t break skin.
· Find a bra and panty set in red, a hot (and naughty!) color. Let your man know you're wearing it under your clothes — he’s sure to peel off the outer layer fast!
· Give him a tush massage. Kneed his bum with your strong hands. Massage his buns in the same way you would fold dough.
· Don’t neglect his arms when you are making out or having sex. Men are proud of their biceps and love to have you stroke and massage their forearms.
· Create the best scenario for lovemaking to end in orgasm for you: Put a pillow under your bum to give you the optimum pelvic tilt.
· Have you done it on all pieces of furniture in your home? If you haven’t, make that a goal to complete in a month.
· Give him a scalp massage using some mint-infused lotion (go to aveda). Then wash it out by giving him a sensual shampoo.
· Greet him with a warm towel and personal rubdown when he gets out of the shower.
· Get dirty while you are doing the laundry. Try out the spin cycle. He sits on the washer and you straddle him. The washing machine is like your very own gigantic vibrator.
· Find a lover’s lane in your home town. Have an old-school date by going there to make out in your car. Be discreet because the police will give you a ticket for indecent exposure if you get caught. Being sneaky is so much fun
· When you are on top, bring him inside of you very shallow. Then do a few kegels to massage the most sensitive part of his penis. You will drive him wild.
· Prolong his orgasm by licking or rounding the top of his penis with your fingers.
· Take a drive in the country to check out the colors of the changing leaves. Pull off for a country hike or picnic.
· How you feel about yourself is directly tied to how you feel about having sex. So, be healthy and be good to you.
· Kidnap the remote control and hold it for ransom. Your note should give explicit directions on how he can have it back.
· If you really aren't in the mood for sex, be gentle with how you say so. Offer him a rain check in the form of a cute coupon.
· If you find your mind wandering during sex, try to center yourself and your thoughts. If you aren’t in the moment, you are shortchanging yourself and your partner.
· Today is Family Heath and Fitness Day USA. Get sweaty with your partner and take the kids with you. There are few things that can match the endorphin rush after a good work out.
· Be completely blunt and a bit naughty. Use your sexy walk to approach him and tell him you want to *&^%.
· Involve him in your dressing routine. Ask him to zip up your dress. And most importantly, ask him to unzip it as well.
· At a party, sit on his lap and discreetly shift your weight to put slight pressure on his private parts.
· Go on a movie date. During the previews, place his hand on your thigh to give him a preview of what the night has to bring.
· Use your lip liner to mark arrows to all the places on your body that you want him to spend some special time.
· When you strip out of your work clothes tonight, “forget” to take off your heels and prance around for your man.
· Set your alarm for an hour early. Spend the extra 60 minutes in the 69 position.
· You can communicate your feelings without saying a word. A simple bat of the eye can send him the right signals.
· Name your man’s manly parts! For instance, name him “Frank” and make sure to invite Frank out to play often.
· Mistletoe doesn’t have to be limited to the holidays. Hang some in several doorways in your house. Meet beneath it regularly!
· Curious about that sexy trick or toy? See how others rated hot products and techniques at the Sex-Life Road Test.
· If you are sleeping in a king size bed, your man is just too far away. Downsize your mattress size and increase your intimacy and lovemaking.
· Tackle problems as a team. Whether you need to tame the weeds in the back yard or chip away at credit card debt.
· Have your palms read together! Gain insight into your partner’s life and love lines.
· Pinch his bottom when you are walking in the mall or shopping at the market. He loves your playful side.
· Suck on some ice, then give him a blow job. The cool feeling will make him shiver in all the right ways.
· Take 30 minutes to cuddle with your love today. It is a nice way to remember families who lost loved ones on this day.
· While doing mundane house chores or shopping, spice things up by flashing him in public. Don’t get caught!
· Kissing is a great way to boost your intimacy and your overall love life. Check out William Cane’s The Art of Kissing.
· Today is “Bald is Beautiful” day! Celebrate by trying a Brazilian bikini wax.
· Send your man a text at work today telling him you aren’t wearing any panties. He’ll fantasize about you all day.
· Have a night of solo sex — just for you. Draw a bath, put on some music you love, have a glass of wine, and enjoy yourself.
· Wear thigh high stockings with your lingerie tonight. Make sure he watches you put them on. Very sexy.
· Throw one new move into your next session. Caress his inner thigh for a few minutes instead of going right to the jewels.
· Happy Labor Day! Breakfast is served in bed today. Dine between the sheets and off of each other.
· Say your partner’s name while you are having sex. Hearing you moan his name will totally turn him on.
· The next time you are in an elevator with your man and the two of you are alone, take advantage of the solitude.
· Do you know the special thing to do when your partner needs a boost? Find out and make sure he gets what he needs.
· Have sex with your clothes on. How? Oh, you can figure that out. Have fun.
· Keep your eyes open when you make love tonight. You will feel the surge of pleasure and intimacy.
· Let him be the boss of you. He calls all the shots in bed tonight. Tomorrow night it is your turn.
· Make goodbye kisses part of your ritual. It is the perfect way to remember your partner all day.
· Pretend you're John and Yoko and spend the day in bed. Have finger foods and champagne within reach!
· Make sure the door is locked when he comes home. When he rings the doorbell, answer the door in only a robe.
· Tonight, no hands allowed. Explore a new way of having sex with just your tongue, lips, nose, eye lashes...
· Sneak up behind your man and wrap your arms around him. Once he’s excited, explore his body and bring him to climax.
· Send your man to the market for some food items for the bedroom. Then call and tell him what you're going to do with them.
· Do a little dirty dancing in your living room. Put on some pulsating music and gyrate to your heart’s content.
· The next time you are on top, try mixing it up by moving your hips in a figure eight.
· Make it last! Unless you are grabbing a quickie, make sure your lovemaking lasts longer than 30 minutes. Ramp up the foreplay and connect mentally and physically. Sex is best when you and your partner are connecting, not just going for the goal.
· Pop your favorite lotion in the fridge and then spread it all over each other. Take a really long time to rub it in.
· Pop a mint in your mouth before you go down on him. The cool sensation on his penis will really drive him crazy.
· Ask him to hum or sing or talk while he is going down on you. Feeling vibration while he's pleasuring you will do the trick.
· Have a long, steamy, touch-free make-out session with your sweetie. It will get you both riled up!
· Try outercourse. Instead of having him penetrate you, bring yourselves to orgasm by rubbing your bodies together.
· Play with his penis. As long as you don’t bend it or scratch it, the pressure and rough handling feels good to him.
· Let him watch while you pleasure yourself. You’ll feel liberated, and he’ll feel, well, overwhelmed in the best way.
· Spend at least one minute kissing and caressing each of his favorite spots. He’ll demand to pleasure your spots as well.
· Surprise your man by sporting a costume. Maybe you feel like being a cop and arresting him for his naughty behavior!
· Surprise your man with a design “down there”. Get ideas at shavehaven.com. Even better, ask him to participate in the grooming!
· If your guy is interested in shedding some fur around his penis and in turn making it appear larger, give him a shave with a Bodygroom by Norelco. You’ll enjoy being his barber.
· Feel the rhythm with the OhMiBod. Plug this vibrator into your iPod and it will vibrate to the beat of the music.
· Turn off the lights and jump in the shower. Lather up and get slippery. Instead of drying off just jump between the sheets.
· Leave a note on your husband’s pillow detailing why you chose him.
· Heat things up with some warming lube! There are plenty of kinds but you can find KY Warming liquid in almost any drugstore!
· Make love to him in a chair. It is a great way to keep eye contact and you can leverage your weight to your delight.
· Men love blow jobs. Find out how he likes it and indulge him often.
· Heat things up with some warming lube! There are plenty of kinds but you can find KY Warming liquid in almost any drugstore!
· Use your fingernails all over his body. As long as you aren’t drawing blood, the pressure and sensation is fantastic.
· Find the best time to make love. Sometimes the feeling strikes first thing in the morning. There’s not many better ways to start the day!
· On your bed, spread out the lingerie you plan to wow him with later in the night.
· From time to time, leave a sexy note on his pillow.
· Are you ready for a big challenge? Try to become a member of the mile-high club. It is up to you how you accomplish this feat.
· Ask your hottie out for a date. Use your flirting skills, then pick up the bill and try to get in his pants.
· Have a spontaneous tickle fight. Make a mental list of his weak spots and be relentless.
· Do you know his top five favorite movies? Does he know yours? Have both your faves on hand for a stay-at-home date.
· Treat yourself like a queen, whether it's keeping your skin soft with top-shelf lotion or getting a regular massage. Your partner will follow in your footsteps.
· It’s naked day! Today, do everything totally naked -- from laundry to home improvement to hide-and-seek.
· Try a condom sampler pack. Safe sex is imperative, but it doesn't have to be a chore. Have fun test-driving every kind you can find.
· TGIF! Relax in the tub with the lights off. Light some candles and use this bubble bath to add to the ambience.
· Give your guy a gift you will that will benefit you both…in bed. Wrap up a pocket rocket and then give it a whirl together.
· Give your guy a lap dance. If you need some tips, consult The Little Bit Naughty Book of Lap Dancing for Your Lover by Rebecca Drury.
· Head to a lingerie shop for three great-quality bra and panty sets. A good bra will do wonders for your look and your self-image.
· Buy a couple of Super Soaker water guns. Spend a few hours hunting each other down. Wear something that turns revealing when it gets wet.
· Check out some live music on your next date, then have fun talking about your favorite part of the evening on the way home.
· Connect mentally with some great conversation, since our sexuality lies largely in our brains. Use Gregory Stock's Book of Questions to get started.
· Breathing is an important part of receiving pleasure. Be sure to inhale and exhale deeply when being intimate with your partner.
· Head to a museum. Hold hands and whisper your thoughts to each other. The feeling of closeness will put you in the mood.
· Increase your sense of touch by wearing a soft pair of gloves or mittens during foreplay. Cashmere or soft cotton is a great choice.
· Give yourself a temporary tattoo in a hidden location. Challenge your partner to find it.
· Take charge tonight. Try How to Be a Dominant Diva. There are more than 300 pages of pictures and tips.
· Blindfold each other. Since you won't be able to see your partner's every move, you'll have to ask directly for what you want.
· Jump in the shower and invite some aquatic life. This octopus from has eight vibrating tentacles to massage all of you and your man.
· Invite some friends over for a barbecue and let the guys man the grill. There's something really sexy about watching your guy take charge over an open flame.
· Taking a road trip together? Forget a typical audio-recorded book. Slip in Kiss Your Ear, nine erotic short stories.
· When you are at a serious event in public, whisper a naughty little nothing in his ear.
· Pick a day and a volunteer project to do together. It is very sexy to see each other giving time and energy to those who really need your help.
· Expand your sexual repertoire. Try a new position, in a new room, at a new time.
· Wear nothing (or very little!) to bed frequently. Spooning in the buff is very sexy.
· Play the "pleasure points" game. Take turns naming the top 10 pleasure points on your partner's body. Don't forget to touch and kiss every one of them.
· What's play without toys? Make a date out of browsing the adult toy store near you. If you're too shy, check out your options online.
· If your sweetie is on a long business trip, overnight a pair of your panties to his room. Mark the envelope "private."
· Make a habit of going to bed together. Cuddling up and drifting off to sleep at the same time is a nice way to put the day behind you.
· Save for a weekend getaway. For 90 days, save $5 apiece and you'll have almost $1,000.
· Order his favorite meal tonight. Forgo your concerns about cholesterol for one evening and take a break from cooking.
· Create anticipation with your kiss. Press your body to his and you'll leave him wanting much more!
· When it's hot outside, make an ice cream date. Find out what flavor your partner is.
· On his way out the door, plant a sensuous kiss on him and tell him you can't wait to make him yours later.
· Perfect your sexy walk. Look straight ahead with a slight smile. Put one foot directly in front of the other, keeping shoulders back.
· Learn to accept his compliments, even if you are embarrassed by his attention or feel the urge to shake it off.
· Spend a day at the spa together! Take a massage course for couples and think of all the free massages you will get while your partner is practicing!
· Become a student of lovemaking and create a library! Start the required reading with Jay Wiseman’s Tricks to Please a Man. Now hit the books!
· Try a new recipe in the kitchen. If it's a flop, who cares? Salvage the good stuff or order in.
· Remember the mix tape -- the ultimate gift from your boyfriend in high school? Create a playlist from you to him for his iPod.
· Do you have a favorite song? If you don’t, you must pick one. Play it over and over while you slow dance in the living room.
· Feeling up for a challenge? Go skydiving! The adrenaline rush is the best thing you’ll ever feel together... almost.
· Snag two good seats at a baseball game. Cheer for the home team together, and then hit your own home run later that day!
· Allow your man to be the hero sometimes, even if you don't need protecting. Enjoy having someone watch over you. He's doing that because he loves you.
· On a romantic dinner date with your husband, spice up the meal with a lot of sex talk. You’ll feel nice and naughty talking about private thoughts in public.
· Looking for some fun? Go ahead, roll the dice. You’ll want to spend all night shaking ’em up and rolling ’em again.
· Tonight, use your sheets to make a tent in the living room. Snuggle up with your man and pretend you're in your favorite getaway spot.
· Find a nice box with a lock to serve as your treasure chest for your sex toys. Have fun filling it up with your favorite accessories.
· Give your honey a hand massage. Before you know it, his hands will be all over your body.
· Take turns making the bed in the morning. There's nothing better than having that nagging morning chore taken care of for you.
· Get ready for summer by kidnapping your man for the day and crashing the pool at a fancy hotel. Just casually claim a couple of chairs on the deck!
· Get cheeky! Experience the thrill of spanking . Find out how you like it or if you don’t like it. You’ll never know till you give a whack at it.
· Do you have a plan for emergency contraception? Plan your next step. You'll save yourself from an unwanted pregnancy and a lot of emotional anxiety.
· Take a walk in the rain with your man. After you are both soaked, find a tree for shelter and make out like a couple of teenagers.
· Celebrate the last weeks of spring by spreading your sexual wings with the Butterfly. This remote vibrator is a lot of fun.
· You don’t want to hear about his ex, and he doesn’t ever want to hear about yours. In the name of great sex, don’t talk about either.
· Happy Memorial Day! Celebrate the day off from work by staying in bed until 10 a.m. Have breakfast in bed and then... well, the rest is up to you!
· Deprive yourself of sex for four days but indulge with some "heavy petting." Waiting will never feel so good.
· Spend time with other couples. It allows you to laugh about dealing with some of the same issues and will help things seem awfully normal.
· Relax this Memorial Day weekend! Even if you're staying home, make sure to enjoy the gorgeous weather with your man.
· Do what feels right. If your partner suggests something that you aren’t comfortable with, or aren’t ready for, tell him.
· Increase intensity during sex by looking into your partner's eyes, feeling his touch, and concentrating on how his body feels.
· Lick, nibble, pinch, and squeeze his nipples. Many men find them a wonderfully sensitive sexual spot.
· Compliment your man to your friends, but keep the intimate details of your relationship private.
· Scrap the to-do list and take a leisurely Sunday stroll with your sweetie. Hold hands and share an ice cream cone.
· Tell your man you’d like him to play hard-to-get tonight. Then pursue him relentlessly.
· Pick one night of the week that you and you partner are committed to having sex and don't waiver.
· Invite his friends over and then disappear. He will love that you support his interests and respect his friendships.
· Check your sarcasm level. He might interpret your comments as criticism or anger.
· Videotape yourselves having sex. Then watch it a few times and delete it together.
· Write down 20 things you like best (TV shows to sex positions). Have him do the same. Switch lists and read them aloud.
· Having a crisis of confidence? Repeat an affirmation like, "I am sexy, confident, and dynamite in bed." It works.
· Head to an adult video store together and ask for recommendations for a film geared toward couples.
· Shower your guy with affection. He will love it and is sure to return the sentiment.
· Never fake an orgasm. You deserve to climax, and your partner deserves to know how to take you there!
· Write fun fantasies and areas of your home on two sets of cards. Drop each set into a hat. Draw from both and go for it!
· Keep pictures of your parents and friends out of the bedroom. You don't want Mom staring at you while you're getting it on.
· Perfect your hand-job method. Learn how your man likes it and surprise him at an unexpected time.
· Give each other pedicures. Start with the footbath and end with lotion and massage.
· Before giving him a blow job, suck on an ice cube or a wintergreen mint. The tingling sensation will make him feel so good.
· Cover his body with soft nibbles and kisses. Pay special attention to his inner thighs — you’ll drive him wild!
· Every couple needs a feather tickler. Enhance the sensation by blindfolding your man.
· Tonight is a full moon. Make sure to take advantage of the extra lunar light and take a moonlit walk.
· Make sure he’s watching as you slowly apply lip gloss. Catch his eye and wink when you are done.
· While you are out, gently play with the stem of your wine glass or your hair -- both signs that you're attracted to your companion.
· Book a couples massage. Show how good you feel by gently biting your lower lip and giving him a sly smile.
· After a long day of work, massage his hands and wrists using plenty of lotion. The hands are full of nerve endings and are erogenous zones.
· Keep the tough topics out of bed, even if you’re having a busy week. Keep talk loving and conflict-free.
· Discover your G-spot with the help of G-spot Center . The two of you will have fun with this educational exercise.
· Make your relationship a priority by giving your love life the attention it deserves! Practice regularly.
· Take advantage of the warm weather by packing a picnic for two and heading outdoors.
· Bond by training together. Team In Training hooks you up with a program for everything from marathons to bike rides.
· Laughter is an aphrodisiac. Head out for a night of stand-up comedy at a club or find an open-mic night.
· Shower sex seems hot but it is never as easy as it looks. Try a silicone lubricant that will keep things nice and slippery.
· Shake up your normal routine. Tell him a standard move is off-limits and discover a new one.
· Spray a little of your perfume on his pillowcase. He’ll think about you, even if you aren’t around.
· Find some sexy, comfortable gear to lounge in. Try a cute pair of panties and his oversize dress shirt.
· Book a lunch date with your honey and meet him at home for a lunchtime romp in the sack.

21 Ways to Say "I Love You"

21 Ways to Say "I Love You" (Without Saying a Word)

By Sara Anderson
You already know it's important for you and your guy to tell each other "I love you" — as often as possible. But you shouldn't depend on those three little words to let your one-and-only know what's in your heart. In fact, nonverbal displays of affection are often a better way to get through to the man in your life. "Guys tend to be action-oriented, so they feel less comfortable using words to express emotions," says REDBOOK Love Network expert and psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. "They've seen enough Tom Hanks movies to know they're supposed to always say 'I love you,' but they're not sure that words alone convey how they feel."

Ready to let what you do speak louder than what you say? We asked REDBOOK readers and the men in their lives to share some sweet ideas. Plus, we added in some expert tips on how to give your love a boost without uttering a word.

"Sometimes I 'write' a love message on my husband's breakfast toast. Using cookie cutters, especially my Valentine's Day set of hearts, I press one lightly into a slice of bread, just hard enough to imprint it, then I toast it. It never fails to bring a smile to his face." —Anita Crehan, Mason, NH

ROMANCE, REVISITED

"Every now and then I leave a card saying how much I love and appreciate him under his pillow for him to find before he goes to sleep." —Cim Collins, Springfield, IL

"My wife, Leigh Anne, sometimes has to travel for work, and when she gets home, I give her a small gift for every day she has been gone. I'll set them on the kitchen table and wait for her to notice them — things like her favorite perfume, fresh flowers, or a cool piece of handmade jewelry. I love to spoil her!" —John Montgomery, Birmingham, AL

"I place special little love notes, cartoons, jokes, or small articles — sometimes racy ones — in her underwear drawer. She never knows what to expect next. She gets a big kick out of them and knows it is my way of saying I love her." —Joe Cirillo Jr., Englewood, FL

"When I take a shower at night, I write messages on the fogged-up mirrors so they appear when he takes a shower in the morning before he goes to work." —Jackie Peirce, Oley, PA

MAKE LIFE A LITTLE EASIER

"My husband puts toothpaste on my toothbrush and leaves it lying on the sink for me every night before bed. He is the sweetest husband ever!" —Lisa Wilkes-North, Heath, TX

"I scour the TV listings for his favorite movies or a sporting event that I know he'd love to watch. I TiVo it without telling him, then surprise him with it on Saturday morning. Bonus: While he's on the couch, I've just bought myself some me-time. Manicure, pedicure, here I come!" —Cindy Panowicz, Grand Island, NE

"Before my husband leaves for work, he sets the table for my breakfast. He lays out a bowl for cereal, a cup for orange juice, strawberries, a napkin, and a spoon. For a big, manly union guy, this is a really major step!" —Patricia Armstrong, Danvers, MA

"I love that my husband gets up every morning when I do. His job doesn't start till 9, so he could easily sleep later than me, but he doesn't. While I get ready, he gets our three kids dressed and loads them into the van with their backpacks. To me, this is one of the best ways he can say he loves us all." —Jeanette Dominguez, El Paso, TX

SHOW YOUR APPRECIATION

"We brag about each other when we're out with our friends — even if it's about something little, like, 'Oh, Barry had the best idea the other day' or 'Barry fixed the whatsit that's been leaking!'" —Jennifer Starr, Columbus, OH

"For Christmas, I bought a dictionary and went through it, highlighting all the definitions that describe him or remind me of him." —Jaynee Germond, Roseburg, OR

"Every morning before I get up, he leaves two folded towels in the bathroom for me for when I take a shower — one big towel for my body and a smaller towel for my head." —Amy Rossi-Espagnet, Atlanta

• EXPERT CHALLENGE: SHOW HIM YOUR GRATITUDE WITH A BEAR HUG
"The number one complaint I hear from guys is they feel like they don't get rewarded for the things they do, only told what they didn't do. Next time your man takes out the trash without being asked or starts the coffee pot for you in the morning, reward him with a 30-second full-body hug. Guys are so physical — it's easy and teasy." —Toni Coleman

HIGH-SPEED SIGNS OF DEVOTION

"I changed the banner on his cell phone to read 'I Love You' when he wasn't looking!" —Becky White, Newton, AL

"My husband and I send each other short e-mails to say what we are thinking about at that very moment. Once, he wrote me, 'The new Brad Paisley song makes me think of you.' Now every time I hear it on the radio, I'm reminded how much my husband loves me." —Michelle Magnetti, Colorado Springs, CO

"My husband gets up at 5:30 a.m., but he pulls his dresser drawers open the night before so the noise of them opening and closing won't disturb me. Now, that's love!" —Connie Maynord, Bastrop, TX

SEND A SECRET MESSAGE

• EXPERT CHALLENGE: POINT THE WAY
"Here's a suggestive sign he can't miss: Leave a trail of Post-it notes in the hallway with arrows on them leading all the way to the bedroom." —Joyce Morley-Ball, Atlanta psychotherapist and author of Seeds for the Harvest of a Lifetime.

"Every time we kiss, we do it three times, which stands for 'I love you.' When my husband pulls out of the driveway in the morning, I stand at the door while he sets off the emergency light on his truck, also three times for 'I love you.'" —Peggy Clayton, Dubuque, IA

Age Of Love

Like most emotions, love in a dream is usually a direct expression of that feeling, or a compensation for not receiving it. So one question to ask is whether you are trying to compensate for a lack in your life. Apart from that it may be helpful to see in what way the love is being expressed in the dream.

The following stages of love may help in defining this.

Baby love:
Completely dependent upon the loved person for ones needs, physical, emotional and social. Great anger, jealousy or pain if the loved one relates to anyone else, is lost, or threatens to leave. In an adult this enormous feeling reaction may also be felt at a time of emotional withdrawal of the partner, even if there is no ign of them withdrawing physically. There is a desire for unconditional love and a need to be always with the loved one. In an adult with this level of love, sex may be a part of the relationship, but the main need is a bonded connection. This is sometimes felt as a need to have the loved person want you as much, or as desperately, as you want/need them.
Possibly the greatest fear, that can trigger great anger or an enormous desire to placate or earn love, is the threat or fear of being abandoned.

Adolescent love:
Initial uncertainty or clumsiness concerning emotional and sexual contact. Desire to explore many relationships. Still finding out what ones boundaries and needs are. Great sexual drive. Partner will probably be loved for dreamers own needs - for example the dreamer wants a family and loves the partner to gain that end; the dreamer loves the partner because in that way they can get away from parental home. Great romantic feelings and spontaneous love which are difficult to maintain in face of difficulties.

Adult love:
Growing sense of recognising needs of partner yet not denying ones own. Ability to be something for the partners sake without losing ones own independence or will. Becoming aware of the issues that colour or influence relationship, and meeting them as partners. Independence and closeness together. Caring sexual partners through discovering each others needs and vulnerability.

Beware Of Love

Okay, so it's a strange title, but it's true. When somebody says they love you they are usually telling a big lie.
What they really mean is, "I will be nice to you and share myself with you as long as you do exactly what I want you to do."
In detail this means that I will have all those exotic and erotic feelings about you as long as you don't dare look at another person, and as long as you fulfil all my needs of dependency, fear, and all the other hang-ups I don't really admit to myself.
The word love in the English language is a crazy word. If you look up its meaning it simply says that you love somebody, or care about them. That is really no definition at all. And when most people tell you they love you, what they really mean is, "I will let all my childhood dependency, unfulfilled need for love and attention that I didn't get from my parents; and all my fears of being abandoned, all my need to possess somebody and have them do what I wish, be projected onto you."
Most of us have not actually matured to the point of being capable of love. The very roots of love arise out of the incredible survival drives of a baby totally desiring its mother to give utter and complete attention to it. Without that attention, millions of years of survival in harsh environments, tell the baby it will die. So it holds on to that connection with its mother or carer with every jungle trick it knows. These includes tantrums, acting out sickness, sulking, anger, emotional cut off to see if the parent still cares; and if you haven't outgrown those, then you will use them in your adult relationships.
Quite honestly, few of us have outgrown them, so we are mostly five or six year olds when it comes to the business of love.
Usually we make a satellite character of the person we "love". In other words we try to make them swing around us in the way that suits us. Notice how many people have breakdowns, depression, or even commit suicide when their partner leaves them, goes with another person or dies. Those things point to pretty desperate internal situations - in other words the baby level of feeling response.
What 'lovers' are really saying is, "I will love you if - if you don't go against any of my childhood needs - if you remain my possession - if you don't do those things that remind me I am a vulnerable baby."
Mature love is when we accept that the person we care for is a separate and unique individual with their own needs and directions in life. We do not love them "if". We love them simply because they are who they are, because we respect and admire them, and we allow them the freedom that hopefully we give ourselves. This is an unconditional love. It doesn't place the conditions on the other person of only being loved or lovable when they remain our satellite. When we do that we make of them a possession, somebody manipulated by our own moods, emotional blackmail, or underhanded tricks.
To grow up and become a mature lover takes courage. Each time we try to possess the other person, lash out at them through jealousy, curtail their life through our fears and insecurities, we need to stop and say, "This is childhood behaviour. I will not let this anger, possessiveness, jealousy or emotional blackmail be perpetrated on the person I presumably love. I will face this and deal with it as a problem in my character, and will not rationalise and excuse it by saying to my partner that I love them. That is an underhanded excuse. It is not love."
So, how about it? How about growing up?

Female Language Decoded: Know what women want

Arati Gurung I have to admit us women; can make things a tad bit difficult for our men to understand. Like when we actually want him to get us that cute pair of earrings for our birthday, we never say it straight; we’re always making up things wishing he would figure it out himself. If he does get the message, we love him even more, and if he doesn’t then, we conclude he doesn’t love us as much – what’s a man to do? I’m sure when it comes to understanding what’s in a woman’s heart; even David Blaine has his problems. It’s amazing how women do it, for even the most seemingly straight forward statement we make is loaded with hidden meaning, poor guys! No wonder our men feel miserable. If you’ve been feeling guilty for making your man worry, why not refer this article to him. Hopefully, he’ll find it easier to understand you, and you won’t have to go through the whole frustrating process yourself either. I’ve collected the most common lines we women use which actually say one thing but mean another.We say: I’ve added on a few kilos haven’t I?What we actually mean: I may have added on some kilos, but you still find me attractive, right?Best thing for you to say here: Oh, have you? Honestly, I can’t tell the difference. You’ve always looked beautiful to me.We say: How’s the food? It’s not that great is it?What we actually mean: I’ve gone through so much to cook up this dinner for you; the least you can say is you appreciate my effort.Best thing for you to say here: Wow, it’s great! Everything looks and smells so good! I really appreciate all this. God, this chutney is amazing! May I have some more?We say: I’m going to leave, but you should stay with your friends and have fun.What we actually mean: I’m leaving and if you care, you will come with me.Best thing for you to say here: Your goodbyes to your friends.We say: I’m sorry.What we actually mean: Okay, I’ve said my sorry. Now it’s your turn.Best thing for you to say here: I’m sorry too.We say: Everything’s fine. Really.What we actually mean: I’m really angry, and it’s your job to find out why.Best thing for you to say here: Are you sure? You seem upset.If we still says we’re fine, you say: All right, but if you want to talk, I’m here, okay?Our dear men, these are just a few of the lines we use, there are plenty more that needs decoding time and again. But do be careful, sometimes we do mean what we say – so it’s for you to know when to decode and when not to. I know we’re a crazy lot, but that’s what makes us, us and what makes you, you. We, women do plenty in keeping the relationship so sometimes, we like it when you do things without being told – atleast not directly!

Fuel Savings Tips for Soaring Fuel Prices

Fuel Savings Tips for Soaring Fuel Prices

It is a common site where the petrol pump owners put up unexpected “Petrol Chaina” notices in clumsy oil cartoons and how sad faces turn their vehicles with despair and frustration. With fuel prices exceeding Npr 67.25, at the petrol pumps and the world loosing its available oil resources we should be on our toes to save fuel and get the maximum output. We present you with some driving tips that really work.

Millions of gallon of gasoline is wasted every day by motorists, because simple and inexpensive vehicle maintenance is neglected for example loose or missing gas caps, under-inflated tires, worn spark plugs and dirty air filters all contribute to poor fuel economy."The Car Care Council offers these fuel-saving tips: * Vehicle Fuel Caps – About 17 percent of the vehicles on the roads have fuel caps that are either damaged, loose or are missing altogether, causing 147 million gallons of fuel to vaporize every year. * Under inflated tires – When tires aren’t inflated properly it’s like driving with the parking brake on and can cost a you up to 2km per liter. * Worn spark plugs – A vehicle can have either four, six or eight spark plugs, which fire as many as 3 million times every 1,000 miles, resulting in a lot of heat and electrical and chemical erosion. A dirty spark plug causes misfiring, which wastes fuel. Spark plugs need to be replaced regularly. * Dirty air filters – An air filter that is clogged with dirt, dust and bugs chokes off the air and creates a “rich” mixture – too much gas being burned for the amount of air, which wastes gas and causes the engine to lose power. Replacing a clogged air filter can improve gas mileage by as much as 10 percent. Fuel-saving driving tips include: * Don’t be an aggressive driver – Aggressive driving can lower mileage by as much as 33 percent on the highway and 5 percent on city streets. * Avoid excessive idling – Sitting idle gets zero Km per liter. Letting the vehicle warm up for one to two minutes is sufficient. * Observe the speed limit – Gas mileage decreases rapidly at speeds above the given economy zone. Cars today are equipped with cruise control to maintain a constant speed on highways.

भिखारीलाई सेक्सको भोक

भिखारीलाई सेक्सको भोक

आखिर धनी होस् या गरीव, बूढो होस् या तन्नेरी, महिला हुन् या पुरुष तिनलाई सेक्सको भोक लाग्यो भने उल्का हुन्छ । जस्तो कि अमेरिकाको हड्सनमा एक भिखारीलाई लाग्यो ।न्यूयोर्कको हड्सन भ्याली शहरमा रहेको भ्याली कटेज चर्च गएको महिना चकित पर्‍यो । के कुरामा भने, उसको टेलिफोनको बिल यति धेरै उठ्यो कि उसले त्यसमाथि अनुसन्धान शुरु नगरी भएन । हुन पनि अहिलेको जमानामा अधिकांश व्यक्तिको हात-हातमा मोबाइल हुने गर्दछ । यस्तो अवस्थामा जाबो चर्चमा भएका सीमित व्यक्तिले गरे पनि दुइ तीन हजारको फोन गर्लान्, तर चर्चकै उठिबास हुने गरी त पक्कै पनि कसैले फोन नगर्लान् । फेरि त्यो फोन र्सवसाधारणलाई गरिएको पनि होइन । न्यूयोर्क शहरका प्रख्यात बेश्याहरुलाई !बेश्याहरुलाई टेलिफोन गरेर आफ्नो सेक्स भोक पूरा गर्ने साधन चाहिँ स्थानीय चर्चको टेलिफोन भएपछि चर्चका अधिकारी र सम्बन्धित व्यक्तिहरुलाई पर्नु पीर पर्‍यो । यस्तो अवस्थामा अब अनुसन्धान नगरी पनि त भएन !अनुसन्धानबाट पत्ता लाग्यो, नजिकैका घरबार विहीन एक भिखारी ३५ वर्षीय जेम्स म्याक्नेरले चर्चको कफलो ठाउँ खोजेर भित्र पसी सेक्स नम्बर डायल गरे । प्रहरीले चाहिँ उनले डायल गरेर चर्चलाई कति रकमको चुना लगाए भनेर बताएको छैन । तर उनलाई पक्राउ गरी जमानत नहुने किसिमले जेल हालेको छ । उनलाई गएको सोमबार पक्राउ गरी बुधबार अदालतमा हाजीर गरिएको छ र अदालतसामू उनले आफ्नो गल्ती स्वीकारेका छन् ।